the uneven road
by ClarissaArrowton
Summary: In the Elite, when America caught Maxon making out with Celeste, what if there is a different reason behind Maxon's move, and their fight after that went a bit different, a little more dramatic. Will Mason find out America and Aspen? Or will they finally be strong enough to say those three words? Will their love be strong enough to survive the storm? Read to find out!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hey guys, this is my very first officially-completed chapter, I think it might be a bit too dramatic, but I guess I just like to be emotional. Anyways, this one picked up in the middle of the Elite, where America walked in on Maxon and Celeste making out in the hallway in the middle of the night, and after their gazes met, America then took off running.**

 **Please don't hate me, and hope you enjoy it, I tried to make every character looked like the original one, or at least not too different anyway, so please read it, like it, follow it, or do whatever you like.**

 **Oh, right, and please review, tell me what you think, if I'm too emotional or something, I need to know if I should continue the story, it depends on whether you guys like it or not, anyway, just enjoy it!**

 _ **The first few lines are from the book. And a few below as well.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I did not own the Selection nor any of the character. All rights go to Kiera Cass!**_

chapter 1: God had just slapped me in the face

Once I was out of earshot, I broke into a run, blazing past all the guards and butlers working late into the night. The tears started to come before I made it to the main stairway. I pulled myself up and moved quickly to my room. I push past the concerned guard and through the doorway. In the quiet stillness of my room, I felt my heart ache. So stupid, America. So stupid. My eyes sting, I could feel tears kept bursting out my eyes, blurring my vision and sticking my messy hair on my face.

He didn't love me anymore. Maybe he has never even felt that way before. I'm so goddamnly blind for even falling for him.

I wondered why my heart can manage to ache so much. Then, I thought, oh, no, it couldn't, only because it's already been ripped out of my chest, and it was the hollow wound that burned. I took a deep breath, but, who was I kidding? My lungs have already abandoned me, too, gave up on expending, gave up on keeping me alive, gave up on me, like the rest of my world. Like Maxon.

 _Maxon._

The mention of the name was like a slap on the face that went all the way down my spine and spread countless agony all through my body, it made me want to die just to end this pain. Why haven't I bee dead already? I wondered. Or, maybe, I _was_ already dead.

I didn't even notice where I was until I feel the emptiness underneath my feet. Somewhere between thoughts, I somehow automatically walked out into the balcony, and sat on the rail of it, feet dangling in the air, facing the garden.

The now slowing tears only broke into a more uncontrollable sob, when I caught sight of the bench where all these wonderful chaos began. Our bench.

I was sobbing like child who had just fallen and felt pain for the very first time when I heard someone cried out my name.

" America! " I heard pain, concern, regret in the voice, along with an undeniable panic.

The voice only made me hurt more, if it's even possible. I have no idea what to do, all I knew was that I want the pain to stop. And just as I pushed myself off the rail, numb and shattered, letting the cold breeze embrace me, a pair of strong and warm hands grabbed me by my waist and pulled me backward, made us both falling onto the solid ground. I was still sobbing so hard, and my head was throbbing when I collapsed on the marble that I didn't realize someone was holding me so tight, cradling me, and that that someone was saying something in my ears. No, not " someone" , it's Maxon.

" America, love, " he whispered, voice crumbling.

I started to sink into his familiar warmth when a sudden screaming voice in my head shouted " he cheated on you with a half-naked Celeste!" I jerk back, escaping from his arms. I tried to stand with my paralyzed limbs, while breathing hard, literally catching my breath as an intention to stop the sobs. I couldn't let him see me break.

" America, were you trying to kill yourself? " He snapped, not bother to hide the rich anger and pain in his voice.

Anger. How dare him be angry at me, he's the one who had been caught dead making out with someone else.

" You… lied to me." I chocked out panting, ignoring his question.

" What? When? " He seemed to be taken aback that he has forgotten his own question as well.

" When haven't you been? How could the same person who talked about proposing to me want to be caught dead in a hallway with someone like her? " I started to feel lightheaded.

" What I did with her has absolutely nothing to do with how I feel about you."

" You're joking, right? " I said, still trying hard, and failing, to catch my breath. Inhale, I told myself. " Or because you're the next king, I supposed it's acceptable for you to have half-naked girls draped across you whenever you like? " Somehow, oxygen seemed to refuse to enter my lungs, perhaps my pain has scared it away.

Maxon looked stricken. " No. That's not what I think at all." He reached out for me. " America," I didn't take his hand, " America, please, listen to me." He reached out yet again, took a step forward.

I took a step back, " Don't touch me!" I swayed back, stumbled toward the bathroom, fighting the dizziness controlling my head. " I can't believe I was stupid enough to actually fall in love with you." I hissed, gasping for air.

" Please, love, let me explain." He pleaded, hesitated for a moment before following behind me.

I needed to stay away from him. I needed to even out my breathing. I needed to calm down. I didn't know what's wrong with me, but having him here, this close, just a few feet away, was definitely no help. If anything, it only seemed to enrage me even more.

My lungs were struggling to breathe in as much oxygen as they could as I chocked out the words, " I …"-inhale- " caught you…"-exhale- " right at the… moment,"-I finally reached the bathroom door. " There's…" -my hand was clenching at my chest, trying to inhale- " nothing left to say!" And, with that, I slammed the door shut, and quickly lock it with trembling fingers, just before Maxon bumped himself right into it.

No sooner than the door shut behind me, I immediately fell to the ground, causing a loud crash as my body hit the floor. Black spots started to cover my vision.

" America? Are you alright?" Concern flooded into his voice. " America, say something!" panicking, he started to bang on the door, but the sounds became muffled.

I parted my lips, trying to force out words, only to fail, 'cause I couldn't talk, my windpipe is too stubborn to let the air go through, and it felt like someone had crushed a rock on my chest. Am I dying? I thought to myself. Is this what it felt like to die? I could see nothing but darkness, and could barely feel the coldness of the floor beneath my cheek. Both of my hands were weakly clenching my chest, desperately to rip it open as if that's the only way to make air fill it.

The last thing I knew was that someone broke through the door with a loud crack, and then I felt strong arms scooped me up before darkness took over.

 **AN: Oh, ya! Congratulations, you finally finished the first chapter, the next one, which is already done just need to wait for me to type it in my laptop, will be in Maxon's POV, but it's the same s** **cene, hope you will like it, and please, pretty, big please, review.**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: hey guys it's me again, thank some of you for the reviews, they really encouraged me a lot. Sorry for the spelling mistake from the last chapter. So here's the next chapter, and, as promise, it's in Maxon's POV, hope you like it!**

 **And please REVIEW! thank you!**

 ** _Disclaimer: I own neither the Selection nor any of the characters. All rights go to Kiera Cass._**

chapter 2: I thought I knew fear

Panic. Panic flooded all over me. All I could think about was America. America. I was going to lose her for good. Just because I was too much of an idiot to trust her. And now I was losing her.

I ran madly down the corridor, not bothering to care about all the confuse and even pity looks of the guards. I finally reached the door that was too familiar to me just like my own bedroom.

Many nights, I've been pacing about the corridor, lingering in front of her door, debating with myself in my head about whether or not to knock on it. And always ended up deciding against it. I've never been brave enough to break down all the walls in my heart with her, afraid that she will not return my feelings.

And it's too late now.

I knocked once.

No respond.

Twice. Still nothing.

And I opened the door—then froze.

At the other end of the room, America Singer, the love of my life, was sitting on the rail of her balcony, sobbing because of me, because I hurt her.

Someone has chained my feet to the ground, and all I could do was stare. She's still so extraordinarily beautiful. Even now. Her fierce red curls a passionate mess down her thin shoulder. Her simple, yet elegant, blue dress ran down her delicate torso, dancing around her hips like waves. I would have spent hours merely admiring the sight presented in front of my eyes, if it not for the horrible thoughts rising in my mind. What on earth is she doing? She might fall.

" America!" I called out, hoping that she would get down there and come back in. Away from the danger and back into my arms. But, unexpectedly, it made her flinch. And then she started to move, yet instead of turning around, she moved closer to the outer edge of the rail.

I thought I knew what fear was before. I thought my father's abuse was the worst thing I've ever experienced. And, now seeing the sight in front of me, I want to laugh out loud at myself, just how stupid I was to think that there was nothing worse.

She's trying to kill herself.

Before I knew it, my feet had taken off running. I pulled her back by the waist just at the exact same moment as her hips left the rail. The huge recoil made us both fell onto the marble floor. I immediately pulled her into my arms, and cradled her against my chest. I'm stroking her hair, pushing it away from her face, rubbing her arms, her shoulders, her back, caressing her cheeks as I whispered comfort words in her ears, using the way she taught me to trying to ease her sob. Hell knew that I'm extremely terrible at dealing with crying women. I wanted to hold on tighter, as if it would keep her together, but, at the same time, she seemed so fragile that I'm afraid she would break if I did. I knew that she probably didn't really hear what I said, but I continued to whisper her name softly over and over again on way or another.

" America, love," I whispered, trying hard to conceal my trembling, yet only seemed to fail.

This time, however, I could tell she heard and recognized my voice, 'cause I felt her relax a bit before leaning further into me. Though it didn't last long. Somehow, as if remembering something, she suddenly jerked up, pushing my arms away, and stumbling to her feet.

For a moment, I actually didn't know what to do, seeing her like this, panting breathlessly and blinking hopelessly, almost like she'd just been snapped out of her dream, I couldn't help but worried. Then I recalled something. " America, were you trying to kill yourself? " The image of her pushing herself off the rail sprung up my head, a rush of overwhelming rage instantly swallowed me. How could she possibly do that? Does she had the slightest idea how much it would hurt the people who spare her love? How much it would destroy me? What was she thinking?

" You… lied to me." she chocked out, finally found her voice, ignoring my thorny question.

Her painful statement took me off guard and made me forget my own question as well, and " What? When? " was all I managed to say.

" When haven't you been? How could the same person who talk about proposing to me want to be caught dead in a hallway with someone like her? " Her sudden outburst was like daggers aimed directly at my heart. I could see her unsteady body was threatening to fall.

And " What I do with her has absolutely nothing to do with how I feel about you" was all I say, although " I love you, and please forgive me" was what I wanted desperately but was too weak to say.

" You're joking, right? " , she said, out of breath, " or, because you're the next king, I supposed it's acceptable for you to have half-naked girls draped across you whenever you like?" She gasped deeply once she finished, hands clinching tight on her chest, almost as if it was hurting more than any possibly wound one could ever encounter.

Her words are like millions of sharp blades making their way down my throat, through my heart, burying in my bones. How could she ever think that way? Has what I just did, and what she just witnessed, truly hurt her so much? That she thought I'm that kind of person? Hell did I know. What I did know was that I didn't want her, of all people, to misunderstand me, to think me that way. " No. That's not what I think at all." I said, desperate to explain. I reached out, wanted to touch her, to feel her skin against mine, knowing that that would make everything easier, and much bearable. " America…" she swayed my out-stretched hand away, " Ames, please listen to me," I tried to reach for her again, and took a step forward.

She took a step back. " Don't touch me!" she yelled, stumblingly heading toward somewhere I didn't quite figure out. " I can't believe I was stupid enough to actually fall in love with you at all! " She hissed out through gritted teeth.

She loved me. She has just said what we both had been too stubborn to say out loud to each other first. She said she loved me. And here I was, standing still, being an absolute jackass, ruining everything I've ever wanted. I felt like an idiot for not being able to say it so long ago, thinking none of this would have happened if I just said it earlier. I almost chuckled. Almost.

" Please, love, let me explain." I kept on her heels.

" I …" – her chest was heavily rising and falling fast as she tried to breathe – " caught you… right…", she was having trouble talking, even breathing, and I began to panic, " at the… moment," she eventually reached where she was heading, and I realized it was her bathroom. She leaned against the door frame, as if knowing that her legs could no longer support her weight. " there's… nothing left to say!"

The next thing happened in a flash, by the time I figured out what was she doing, it was already too late. She shut the door, and lock it dead just as I bumped right into it.

No sooner than the door shut, there came a loud crash from the insides. Dear God, what happened? Did she hit something? Was she alright? Was she hurt? Concern filled my voice whilst I worryingly asked, " America? Are you alright?" the hissing sounds of her barely-catching-breaths were all I got as a reply. " America, dear, say something!" No. No, no please, there couldn't _anything_ awful happen to her, _my America._ I banged hard on the door, trying to get her to open up the door and tell me that she's alright, that there's nothing for me to worry about. _Goddammit_ , the door! IT JUST WON'T OPEN! I took a step back and threw myself against it, hoping to break it down. _Bang._ It still stood firm. My shoulder and arm were burning in pain but I didn't care. _Twice_. Still no use. To my surprise, the door crush opened when I hit for the third time.

The first thing I saw was nothing but a empty bathroom. At first, I thought perhaps America had hidden herself, and that's the reason why she didn't respond. But, then, my gaze turned toward the ground, and I felt my inside frozen. _Was I dreaming?_ I thought. 'Cause, to my knowledge, this sort of ridiculously horrible hallucination could have only come out in dreams, and how awfully my mind must be damaged by my father to cause this kind of terrible imaginations of nightmares. If I was truly dreaming then why have I not woken up yet?

I have been standing there for what felt like an eternity but couldn't actually be more than a second before my instinct took over, and I rushed over toward her lifeless body and gathered her in my arms, and ran faster than I have ever had in my entire life before, to the infirmary.

 **God, stupid Maxon! but I do love to see them fight sometimes! Hope you like this new chapter, and please don't hate me!**

 **Thank you again for reading, and, again, pleaaaaase review!**

 **I promise I will update ASAP, but with the goddamn exams ahead of me I can't promise anything more, but I will try my best.**

 **Please REVIEW thanks!**


	3. Author's Note

_**Author's Note!**_

 **Sorry for not being able to give you guys longer chapter, in an attempt to give you the new one as soon as possible, I have to cut the chapter down there 'cause I haven't finished the following section. But I promise I will do my best to make it worth the wait.**

 **Sorry again for wasting a page to write author's note, but it seems necessary to me, the explain myself. Thanks for reading and reviewing and following and waiting!**

 _ **I will be back soon!**_


	4. Chapter 3

**Author's note: Hey I'm back, sorry and thanks for the waiting. Thanks also for the reviews, of course.**

 _ **Maxericaaa – thanks for the advice of the new prince, it a brilliant idea!**_

 **I will give you a new prince, just maybe yu need to wait a few more chapters, 'cause I'd like to give our cute couple a few more extra days together before that. And bta, how do you guys think of the name _Calvin_ for the new prince? And where do you think he should come from(a country not too friendly to Illea, I prefer) ? Please review and tell me!**

 ** _Disclaimer:_ _I did not own the Selection nor any of the character. All rights go to Kiera Cass!_**

* * *

chapter 3: the images of truth

Rose. Fell. Rose. Fell.

That was the only movement I could capture.

I looked down at our entwined fingers. Her small, pale, warmless hand in my big cold one, then, I looked up, my gaze turned from my America's slowly rising and falling chest to the oxygen mask draped over her mouth and nose. She's okay, I kept telling myself, she's fine. I brought her hand to my lips, kissing each of her knuckles, rubbing the back of her hand against my cheek.

The doctor said she was hyperventilating, and though her condition was steady now, he's not sure when would she wake up. He tried to dismiss me, saying that I might disturb the others, but since I was currently the prince and I insisted on staying, I got to stay only end up promising him to be completely silent. But, still, I couldn't help whispering things to her: apologies, comfort words, sweet words, hoping that she would hear me. My worries for her almost made me forget what she's done. Almost. " America, love, I never want to hurt you, or get you hurt. And whatever you thought of me, I've never, ever lied to you. I … I was just… so angry, I wasn't thinking straight. I so, _so_ sorry. I didn't know it hurt you so much." I closed my eye, and planted a tender kiss on the back of her hand. " Please don't leave me, love, come back to me, and stay with me, and never leave me for I need you to be here to make me the happiest man alive." I took a deep breath, " I know I've never said this words to you before, I've always been too stubborn and stupid to said them, or even admitted it to myself, and I knew I was just being too much of a coward to do it. 'Cause I was so afraid, afraid that you will not return my feelings the way I wanted you to and crush my dream and shatter my heart into a million tiny pieces, afraid that once your rejection snap me out of my fantasy bubble I will be too lost and damaged to ever love anybody else again. Afraid to be hurt." I moved closer to her, and began to stroked her red curls with my hand which wasn't holding hers. " But, you know what? The truth is, it hurt so much more by _not_ telling you how I feel. Watching having you around every day, aware of the distance growing more and more between us each day I didn't tell you. But I can't keep it to myself anymore – god, I don't even know how I managed to do it at the first place – so, now, I'm telling you: I love you, America Singer, more than anything else in the entire universe. I love you so damn much and I don't want to lose you. You are my life, my world, my _everything_. The reason for me to wake up in the mornings, the reason to stand up against my father, the reason to keep fighting to be a better man. A reason _to breath._ You are the sunshine that shines trough the windows and into my room, the rainbow that comes out after the stormy thunder, the warmth of the fireplace in the coldest day. I'd said it before that I'm horribly terrible at staying away from you, and I was not lying. I don't want to live without you, I _can't_ live without you, I can't even _image_ living without you. I love you. I love you so much, so please come back to me, sweetheart, _I love you_." I closed my eyes as I bent down to give her a soft kiss on her forehead.

" That a beautiful speech."

My head snapped up. America's other hand was holding away her oxygen mask from her face, her eyes half-opened, and the corner of her mouth twitched up into a soft, stunning smile.

" You're awake." is all I said as I blinked back the burning at the back of my eyes.

She opened her mouth to say something, but before she could said anything, I've already enveloped her into a big, comforting hug, more of a consolation to myself than to her, careful not to stirred the intravenous drip on her arm. She stiffened for a moment, but soon melted into me and buried her head into my chest, and I buried mine in her hair at the crook of her neck. We stayed just like that for a while before she pulled away. Too quickly to my liking.

I took her hands back into mine, not wanting to break the contact, and gave it a gentle, little squeeze. She squeezed back. There's a awkward silence between us. She's the one who broke the silence.

" You know we can't just hugged and pretended eveything's alright, right?" she lowered her gaze, not wanting to make eye contact, but not before I caught glimpse of the pain that spread across her feature. I looked down, took a deep breath. And another, then the other, before I began to spilt everything out, 'cause I know that the only way for it to work out. " I was I my room earlier in the evening when someone slip a piece of paper trough the space under my door. It's written with a certain time and place for me to check out the security camera." – I inhaled a shaky breath whilst I regain the agony that burst inside my rib cage – " it's your room, Ames. The place, it's _your bedroom_. _"_ The last sentence was almost like a whisper. I looked up trying to catch her gaze, but she just wouldn't meet my eyes. " Ames, look at me." She only looked away.

"America." With that she looked up, tears welled up in her eyes.

So it's true, she knew what I'm saying. The fact was like a bullet through my heart.

" Max – " , she started but I cut her off.

" I saw you," I said as if she hasn't spoke, " I saw you guys kissing, America." This time I was the one who's tearing up. I untangled my fingers with hers, and shot up from my chair beside her bed. That startled her a little. But I just ignored that this time. " Mind to explain that?" Anger started to pour out from my heart recklessly, swelling up my thought. I wanted to shake her furiously by the shoulders, to shake the truth out of her, to yelled at her for cheating on me all this time. But when I stared into those extraordinarily irresistible icy blue eyes, fulled of pain, regret, and fear, there was an undeniable urge that I didn't want to name at the moment in me that made me want so badly to pull her into my arms, and never let go. I clenched my fists at my side, as an attempt to keep my hands to myself.

" He used to come into my room at the middle of the night when I was screaming because of nightmares," she began, " when I told him I have feelings for you, he said he still want to fight for me unless you kick me out. But, then, I realized just what happened to my heart, Maxon. I told him then. I told him that I love _you_. **_You_** , Maxon. I ended things with him for good." Tears were now rolling freely down her pale cheeks, " I so sorry, Maxon."

Even though I knew I should soften and calm down, now that I knew she really love me. Yet, the fact that they had done this to me still boiled my rage. " And it's so damn hard to bring it up in one of our so many casual conversations together? You just can't bring it up like ' hey, Maxon, by the way, the guard stationed at my door happened to be my ex, and I used to sneak around with him when you're not around.' ? " my eyes were closed and I could see my rage ignite behind my eyelids. I fisted my hands tighter at my sides to hide my shaking. Why on earth had she been lying to me all this time? But didn't she just said she loved me? Did that not matter? I wanted to trust her, to forgive her, to hold her in my arms and never _ever_ going to let go again. _To love her._ She's my everything, and I couldn't bear the thought of _not_ trusting her even just for a second. There must be a reasonable reason, I told my self. I took a deep, shaky breath, and ran my hand down the length of my face and through my hair, not caring that I have ruined the style. After a long silent moment, I reopened my eyes to stare into her icy blue one. Those astonishing blue diamonds swelled up in tears were pleading, begging for one more chance.

" The Halloween party," her voice seemed a bit broken, and I broke my heart, " when Marlee and Carter got caught, I was so afraid that he and I will end up the same if I told you. And I don't want him to get hurt, I may not love him anymore, but, I want you to know that I still care about him, he's like family."

I tried to wrap my mind around that, only to find it flooding in too fast, too much at a time. I needed to clear my thought, and staying this close with her was obviously definitely no help at all. " It's late, I'm afraid I would have to leave, and you shall as well get some rest for the best. The doctor has allowed you to move back to your own room if you like. Now, if you would excuse me. Goodnight, Lady America." I bowed and left.

* * *

 **AN: hi, sorry for the long wait, hope you enjoy the chapter, forgive me for being a _very_ slow typer. Feel free to review. I mean it _review._**

 **As for the up coming story, I don't think I would like to make them get back together too easily, just informing, so be patient. And I want to ask you guys, do you want them be together again before or after the new prince come? Please review and that me know!**

 **Until next time!**


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey guys, I am so sorry that it took me so long to update, but I just went through a big journey of my life that will affect the rest of my life, any way thanks for the waiting, this chapter pick up exactly where the last chapter left off, so here it goes…**

 _ **disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters nor the books, Kiera Cass does.**_

* * *

 _Chapter 4: what hopes do to us_

 **America's POV**

Every step he took, walking away from me and disappearing out of my sight, was like an invisible hand digging into my chest to steal my guts, one by one, till I was nothing but empty inside.

But at the same time I couldn't help feeling the heavy weight lifted off my shoulders for the first time in so long, well aware of the fact that I wasn't lying to Maxon any longer, I might have lost him, but at least I was being honest.

I didn't know what happen next, I felt numb, I was staring straight ahead, and yet I was seeing nothing. Before I knew it, I was out of bed, and my legs were moving as if they had their own minds.

I opened the door to my room, and was instantly greeted by three concern voices.

" My lady, where have you been? " Lucy said worriedly.

" We came in this morning, and you were that here, and we were worried" Mary kept on.

" My lady, are you okay? " Ann asked gently, always being the calm one.

I opened my mouth, only to have myself chock on my own tears. I took a deep breath, willing the tears to go back down, then cleared my throat. I tried again. " I'm fine, I was at the infirmary, but I'm okay now." This time words seemed to flow out through my lips themselves.

" The infirmary? My lady – " Mary started, seemly shocked, and obviously concerned. But I cut her off.

" I said I'm fine now, and I don't want to talk about it." I said, a little too mean. I didn't mean to be harsh, but it was obviously I was, so I tried again, more softly this time " I'm sorry, I guess I'm just too tired. Can you run me a bath?" I forced out the most convincing smile I could manage.

" Of course, miss, there's no need to apologize." Mary said and headed to the bathroom.

" Breakfast is in ten minutes, miss, do you want me to tell everyone that you're not not feeling well and won't be able to join them for the meal?" Lucy asked slowly.

I slightly nodded, " Thank you, Lucy" and she left the room.

All the emotion and tiredness seemed to crash on me all at once the moment I stepped into my warm bath, and I felt worn out. I hadn't realized just how exhausted I was until now. I took a

deep breath, and let the sweet, sweet scent of the lavender and vanilla bath oil washed over me.

My tears had been drained, and my sobbing urge had been suppressed, and suddenly I felt light. I closed my eyes, and let myself believe, if just for a moment, that after I woke up, it would be a brand new day, and everything would start to become better.

At least I still had hope, I thought dryly to myself. Hope was not illusion. _Not yet._

* * *

Someone was gently shaking my shoulder and slowly I blinked awake. I realized I was still in the bath, but the water was turning cold.

" Miss, do you want to go to sleep in bed? " Lucy was hovering above me, ill-disguised concern showing on her face.

" How long did I sleep? "

" Only an hour or so. May I get you dry and put you in a nightdress so you can rest in bed? "

The care in her soft voice was almost my undoing, but I fought again to keep my tears at bay.

" Thank you " I smiled, what seemed like the first time in so long, genuinely up at her.

Once I'm freshly-washed, clean and warm, and in bed, I immediately drifted into an unsettled and restless sleep.

* * *

I'm startled awake with a jolt. Someone's at my door.

" She's still sleeping." Lucy said, quietly.

" I was worried when she didn't come to breakfast, and I just wanted to come and check if she's okay." Maxon. It's Maxon's voice. He's here. " It's okay if she's still resting. Let she sleep, she need to rest." He sounded relieved, if not a little disappointed.

There's a long pause of silence, and for a moment I thought he's already gone before I heard him let out a long sigh.

"Is that all, your highness?" Lucy asked, tentatively.

He hesitated for a moment, then, "uh, could you tell your lady that I would really like that if she joins us at dinner?"

"Yes, your highness."

"Thank you." He said. After that, he left. I could hear his footsteps storming off on the palace floor, aside from the little bubbles of unknown disappointment, I was relieved. I'm not sure I'm ready to face Maxon after what happened last night. Well, not alone anyway.

Lucy gently closed the door behind her, not wanting to disturb me, I guess.

I sat up slowly, "Lucy, what time is it?" I said, my voice cracked ever so slightly.

She jumped a little, then turned to face me.

"Miss, you're awake." She stuttered. I could tell she was a bit startled by the pale look on her face.

It was not a question but I answered a soft "yes" under my breath anyway.

" Um..." She started, fidgeting with her fingers, and I could tell she's having trouble trying to tell me something as if she's considering whether to tell me or not.

" Whatever you want to tell me, Lucy, it's perfectly fine to say." I encouraged her, " There's no need to hold back. Go on, spill the beans."

" The prince just came by, he wanted to see if you're feeling fine, he's worried." She said. I already knew this, what I didn't know was why she's so nervous.

"And?" I prompted.

" And he wanted you to join dinner." She tried a bit uncertain. Yeah, I knew that too, but I still didn't get what she's trying to say. I was about to ask when she said, "uh... I can tell there's something happened between the two of you recently, something not good, and you probably want to decline his invitation to dinner but I really think you should go. Whatever happened between you, I can tell that he doesn't like it either, and that he's not being fine. I can saw the regret in his face when he mentioned your name,and the affection he has for your, it shines so clearly in his eyes that even I am able to see . And it's so damn obvious to the whole palace that you guys are deeply in love with each other, it seems the two of you are the only ones oblivious to the fact." She paused , then ",and I truly believe that you guys can fix whatever problems between you." She splattered out the words all at once, I could barely process what she's saying.

"What— ?" Once the realization of her words dawned ned on me, I was stalled in my track. In love? He did say he loved me. Is it truth?

It didn't matter now, I tell myself, you screwed up. My heart sank.

I pushed that thought away, and quickly changed the subject. "How long do I have until dinner?" I said.

" About two hours." She answered.

" I guess I should start to get ready then. Shall we?" I gave her a small smile.

She grinned, clearly happy with my decision. "Sure, miss."

"One more thing, Lucy, call me America." I said as I got out of bed.

" Yes, America." She smiled.

Okay, here goes nothing.

* * *

I was suddenly finding the double doors to the dining room _very interesting. Very interesting indeed._

I stood helplessly outside the dining room, staring into the doors as if they're the most interesting things on the planet, regretting for the thousandth time that I decided to join the others for dinner in the first place at all.

Surely it wouldn't be that bad, would it?

Deep down I knew I deserved it, it was my fault and I deserved all those terrifying results that was going to happen to me, whatever they were. And yet, I didn't want to believe that, I wanted to hold onto some unrealistic hopes, and dared to said he _loved_ me. _Loved me._ It sounded so sincere and real, and I wanted to believe it. I wanted to believe _him,_ so badly that it's driving me crazy. But how could I believe him? How could he still love me after what l've done to him?

Just when I was about to retreat from the doorway, regretting yet again to even have decided to come down, and turned to leave, I bumped into hard, solid chest.

I tumbled back, tripping over my own two feet. And strong muscular arms caught me just in time, preventing my body from meeting the floor.

For a moment l was paralyzed, a bit shaken by the almost falling experience, then I glanced up— and froze.

Warm, honey-brown eyes burned into cold, blue ones , filling with concern and wistfulness— and something else, something darker.

My heart skipped a bit.

I could feel the familiar pull charging around us. The electricity between him and me.

l wanted to tear my gaze away, l wanted to pull back, out of the welcoming heat radiating from his body. But I couldn't. I couldn't because I didn't want to.

We just stood there, me in his arms, staring into each other's eyes. And I was lost, lost deeply and hopelessly into warm, intense gaze that seemed too much, too well, drowned in the deep warmth that seemed to be darker than the darkest abyss. Drowned when you were completely oblivious to the water all around you, lost when you thought you were following the right path.

I searched his face, searching for answers, answers my heart so desperately needed to know. Could he love me? Could this perfect boy, who could love any girl he wanted, love a girl who broke his heart?

" Are you alright?" Maxon suddenly asked, interrupting my train of thought, his voice a bit husky if I'm not mistaken.

It took me a moment too long to process what he's asking. " Um...yes, thank you." I muttered, still trying hard to gather my thoughts.

" For what?" He asked.

" For saving me"

" You're most welcome, America." He said sincerely

And as if on clue, I blushed. I took a step back and looked away, finding it suddenly difficult to meet his gaze.

He dropped his arms and hold it out for me instead. " Shall we?" He asked, a sweet smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. His sweet, small smile warmed my heart as always, and hopes blossomed in my chest.

l looked at him, confused, not understanding what he's referring to.

He raised an eyebrow, and gesturing with a tilt of his chin toward the dining room, " dinner?"

oh right. " Of course." I took his arm, and we entered.

Everyone turned their head and looked at us when we entered. And I felt myself flushed. I could feel the king's burning gaze staring hole into me.

We took our seats as the king begun to speak, and I was relieved to be out of the attention of everyone.

" I've got some news," the king began, " we are going to be visited by the English royal family at the end of this week. So, behave ladies, I don't want anything to go wrong or any trouble be made. Or you'll have to face with the consequences of a elimination." The king glared at me at the last sentence, a warning clear in his eyes. He wanted me gone.

I automatically glanced over at Maxon.

But he was looking at me. He's engaging deeply in a passionate conversation with Kriss, who was sitting next to him. She's laughing at something that Maxon said, a rosey blush on her cheeks. I looked away quickly and stared down at my untouched plate of food.

Perhaps our encounter earlier meant nothing to him. Perhaps I just imagined it all. I kept telling myself to not dwell on the negative, but that all I could do: fooling my brain, tricking my heart. The more times I glanced at the pair of them, the more I was convinced that Maxon's finally changed his mind, that he's finally came to his senses that he could do better than me, that he deserved way better than a girl who gave him nothing but a broken heart. Not once of the many times I stole a glance at him did he looked at me, he only had eyes for Lady Kriss.

There's a dull ache growing in my chest, fighting and threatening the hopes l so stupidly hold earlier.

Hope, I think, was the greatest killer. It pretended to be pure and innocent and kind, it disguised itself to be all dreamy and bright so that no one would suspect it to be the cause of broken heart, and it let the horrible reality take the blame. But I knew, in this moment, that it was your hopes that would crush you eventually.

The ache won.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I stood abruptly. "Excuse me, I'm not feeling very well," I announced as bravely and loudly as I could manage, staring straight ahead, " I think I will retire for the night."

I stood back and pushed my chair back in place, and then curtsied and turned to leave.

" Lady America, are you alright?" Maxon hastily stuttered, halting me in my track.

I turned, slowly, preparing myself for what I was going to say.

"I will be." I said, giving him a sad smile. And I knew it's a lie.

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry for the late update, with all that school and stuff, I am and will be quite busy, so I won't be able to update too fast and often, but still I'll try and make time for the story and make every chapter worth the wait.**

 **Please review. Love you guys. Until next time. X**


	6. Thank you guys

**Author's note:**

 **I just want to say thank you all, for all the reviews and encouragements and supports, you will never know just how much they mean to me. It's you that keep this going, you that encourage me to keep on writing. Thank you guys so much, you are the reasons that this story works. I love you all.**

 **C. X**


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